Father, I have sinned, I have committed food adultery

So I food cheated on Dan. What did Mr X and I do? Fine dining. Well, if ones going to cheat you might as well go all out since the harm is already done, right? And you’re now wondering where did we do the deed? Le Bernadin. The food cheating equivalent of screwing your boyfriend’s best friend and broadcasting it on the jumbotron outside his office window.

I haven’t committed fine dining food adultery on Dan since 2006, when he was out of town on my birthday and my friend Keith took me to Veritas declaring, “he deserves to miss this,” as he bit into a flawlessly prepared sweetbread. A glass of wine later, Keith blurted, “what an idiot,” as we shared an innovative escargot dish while we talked about it with culinary genius, friend, and then Executive Chef, Ed Cotton, who came out of the kitchen to say hello.

But Dan didn’t do anything to deserve today’s lunch on the side. If anything he has been an angel lately, which made me feel pangs of guilt as I reveled in my first course – a barely touched escolar with a judiciously applied red wine béarnaise sauce. Dan would have liked that. It was too late to stop the rest of the meal, though. I am sure my entrée has already been fired so I might as well have my black sea bass I thought. After all, ordering the main course is just as bad as eating it.

Mmmmm, a perfectly seasoned filet with crispy skin on top of braised celery letting the fish be the star of the plate—just the way Dan likes it. It would be such a shame to waste it so I had to finish it.

And then one thing led to another and before I knew it I was closing my eyes while I finished the yuzu parfait. But then lunch took an unexpected turn. Another man. Eric Ripert. He came out of the kitchen and stood next to my table. I quaked. I had fanaticized about this but never did I think in real life I would be enjoying a sensuous lunch mere inches from Chef Ripert. Dan would have to understand, if the situation was reversed I would. We’re talking Eric Ripert.

So Dan, I hope you know how sorry I am and to make it up to you I am happy to return with you. Perhaps this time I’ll start with the geoduck followed by the striped bass-langoustine dish. I bet you’ll choose the kampachi tartare and the red snapper. I just hope you’ll be open-minded if Eric Ripert wants to join in.